Tuesday, May 13, 2014

my bright star



So maybe it may seem ridiculous to write about this a whole year later, but tonight we finally talked about “her”, our angel baby. She has been on my mind for days leading up to mother's day. I couldn't stop thinking about how so much had changed in one year. Everything is at least ten times better, but thinking about the miscarriage still gets a little hard for me. I feel like sometimes we "replace" her with Jude, and I truly feel like that is not fair at all. She was a life.. now she is with Jesus. She is Jude's older sister, and I can't wait for the day that we all get to reunite. The day where we will all come together and do a cheesy family hug.

 I’m glad I finally got to hear how you truly felt, that your heart wasn't stone cold like I felt it was. You never showed much emotion during that time. It was good to hear that you actually did grieve, but just alone when I wasn't around. I love when we put down our walls and come closer together.

We finally named her, and instantly both of us felt relief. Maybe closure? We talked about the dream I had right before we found out we lost her. Our hearts feeling lighter as we spoke about how she had blonde long hair and big eyes like her little brother. “What a wonderful dream! The most beautiful dream I’ve ever had!” I said. You just put your hand on your face and nodded yes and smiled. I know it still hurts, but now she has a name, one year later. Emilee Rose Housel.

I’m so happy that Jesus has her by his side now. She’s is loved so much. Forever will she be the brightest star in the sky for me.

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