Monday, June 16, 2014

Uncomfortableness


I kind of feel like just typing away right now. I have no real direction with this post besides saying what I always say, that life is difficult but oh so beautiful. I am so freaking exhausted. I feel like I have this never ending list of "to do". Life was like this before Jude, but it just seems like now I really don't have enough hours in the day to finish off my lists. With that being said, I feel a little bit incomplete, and I am not entirely sure why. I'm always scheming (that's what it feels like anyway) on how or what my "career" should be. Honestly, its completely mentally exhausting because every time I come up with something I think I might enjoy doing, I shoot it down immediately because either I realize how much of a pipe dream it is, or there is just absolutely no way (in my mind) that I could end up going that route. I am very confused as to why I feel this incomplete. I ABSOLUTELY love being a mother and a wife, but sometimes I just do not feel satisfied. Sometimes, being a cook, a maid, a milk factory, organizer, financial manager, etc..etc...etc, feels a bit hollow. I don't know what will make me happy. I think that's the problem. I am just not sure of myself. I feel very uncomfortable in my skin in every which way right now, and I am not sure how to be.

I'll end this with, Life is beautiful which makes no sense, but that's absolutely how I feel.

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