Tuesday, February 18, 2014

I'm no supermom

Note: This is a rambly, just saying whatever comes out kind of post.
3 weeks into this motherhood thing. I am way exhausted. I have had a lot of frustration
Just being real.

At one point I felt like I was doing all the work, (which I know isn't true) but with this whole adding a person to your family thing, I know there is one thing that is a must; Communication. So, I communicated to Mr. Awesome that after 20 billionth load of laundry, and my hands being so dry from washing every bottle that ever existed, I am spent. I am still trying to figure out how this all works. How I balance being a wife AND a mom. No one really tells you how hard it is to navigate that. (Well, I guess they do, but you don't believe them.) It's hard to navigate your marriage with a little human being in between you. I would never ever wish for Jude to not be with us, but I do wish for some type of guidance in how to make it all work. I almost feel like I HAVE to be super mom. I already compare myself to other moms. I absolutely hate that I do that.

My fears are:
  • What if my baby isn't being engaged enough. Am I doing it wrong by letting him basically poop, eat, and sleep? I mean they don't really tell you anything about when exactly you should introduce stuff like that.
  • Am I holding him too much? too little?
  • Why won't he sleep unless he is being held in the crook of my arm in our bed?
  • Will he be dependent on me to sleep?
  • Will it harm my marriage for him to sleep with us?
  • Am I a bad mom for thinking that I might throw up too?
  • Am I a bad mom for sleeping a little too long sometimes when I hear him cry?

So... ya, I am not super mom. I've really got to quit that crap out right now before he gets older, and the real comparing starts happening.

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