Friday, March 29, 2013

Try Again

Try again by Miranda Dodson.

(About two weeks ago, I lost my baby. The day it happened, my best friend linked me this song. It helped me get through a lot, because it really is honest and open about the feelings you have when you miscarry.)
 It's just really been on my heart to write something about what happened, in that it may be encouraging to any other women that have been through this/ going through this.

My husband and I found I was pregnant in February  and we were so happy. It was our first child as well. We went and got everything confirmed, and the first doctor(planned parenthood) said I was 6 weeks. We then went to the local clinic, to start OB appointments. Well, the first appointment I had she still said I was 6 weeks, but took no blood tests. I set an appointment for April 3 to see the OB, which really saddens me now.. Anyway, Everything was fine, and I was definitely pregnant(had every symptom in the book) I don"t know how to keep a secret, so at "seven" weeks, we let the cat out of the bag to everyone.
(I still can't manage to delete these photos off my computer)

A few day later, I started bleeding a little, and so I hurried to the hospital. They gave me an ultrasound, and couldn't find anything there. That in itself was really hard to hear. The doctor basically said I was actually only 4 weeks pregnant, and that he didn't know if this was a pregnancy on the out or on the way in. He also said he expected me to bleed a few more days. I felt like he knew, but didn't want to say it out right like that. The second day was horrible. I was in so much pain and passing tissue... I hurried to the hospital again.. got my blood checked, and then she said that it probably was a miscarriage, but to just come in again to check my levels. I did that three more times, knowing my levels would go down each time.

All that to say, If you're in this situation, and people keep telling you that "it might still happen" and you just know that it's gone, don't feel bad. I was there. Don't feel bad for being jealous of, and even thinking that you hate someone because they are pregnant/just gave birth. It's okay to randomly cry after two weeks of it happening (I cried last night trying to write this post). It's okay to be okay, and its okay to not be okay. All of the feelings you are feeling, I bet you some other woman has too. Miscarriage is not something that is talked about openly, but I honestly feel like it should. We women need to have each other's support. So, if you are going through it, email me, I'll be happy to talk to you/pray for you. We mommies with babies in heaven need to stick together.

The song above is really awesome. It helped me get through it, because it encourages you not to give up, and keep trying. I hope it helps you too.

Much Love.

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