Monday, April 8, 2013

Tightening in my Chest.

I haven't been blogging this week, and maybe that's why I have been stressed. I am in Texas visiting.It seems like as soon as I landed in Texas, I was more stressed then I was in California. I now have realized why I cannot live here (maybe not the whole state, but at least in the Houston area.) I way too much history here and drama that I just.. can't. I've realized that my stress levels rise, then my anxiety starts happening which results in two things. Either/or tightening in my chest or my OCD goes into overdrive causing me more anxiety and frustration. Tonight was probably the worst. I felt like crying when I was in a gas station earlier because I couldn't stop pulling all the products forward/turning them so the labels would face forward. I couldn't walk past something without doing it. I know that sounds stupid, but when you really can't control yourself.. its so frustrating. Which in return made my chest tighten up, and I could hardly breathe.

I miss my home. I miss my husband. I miss my cat. I know I shouldn't be so dependent on my little family. I know I should be more dependent on the Lord, but I truly feel safe in my husband's arms... I feel safe in our little basement room.
I am tired of hearing from my family how selfish I am. It really hurts. I just...want them to know I am trying so hard..

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