Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Nervousness and night terrors

I have been having horrible night terrors. I call them terrors because they are the kind of nightmares that literally make you wake up shaking.
Let me start off by saying I truly do have faith that this baby will be okay, and we will have Baby H in our arms in 4ish months. That being said, my night terrors have been happening multiple nights a week, and they are all about losing Baby H. It's always so sudden. I always start screaming "No, I can't go through this again!" I'm always traumatized just like when I had the miscarriage.
I wake up shaking/crying. I sometimes wake up Mr. Awesome because I need him to hold me. I absolutely hate these night terrors, and I have no idea why they are happening. I don't know how common it is for women that have had previous losses to have night terrors. All I know is that I almost feel like my loss is preventing me from really enjoying this pregnancy. I am almost always on edge. I never get too comfortable with the idea almost. It's like a heart vs. head thing.
My heart says it will be okay. That we will have this baby. My head keeps screaming, "Don't get comfortable! Don't be too excited."
This struggle is so real, and is probably real for a lot of women. I wish it was talked about more though so I didn't feel so alone in this feeling.
I just need to keep going, and keep praying for the Abba to keep His child alive. To keep it's heartbeat strong.

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